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The Collected Tweets of @goatunit (part 1) - Tanning Beds Explode (with rich women inside) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
goatunit

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The Collected Tweets of @goatunit (part 1) [Jan. 25th, 2013|06:41 pm]
goatunit
"Dreft makes babyhood special," might be the ballsiest claim ever made by a commercial.

Religious Authority used to come from study. Now it comes from search engine optimization.

Why do you have a secret identity, Super Why? You are only an inch tall. They are going to recognize you regardless. #kidshowquestions

No, you don't understand. I don't want my name in lights. I want my face on currency.

If I was in a gang, I would be like, "C'mon, gang!" All the time. They would be visibly tired of hearing it.

With bargains like these, who needs unconditional love? #cybermonday

Text: "Life is a valley between two eternities." to 30364 to receive our special promotional offer. #cybermonday

Enter our sweepstakes to be annihilated by a revelation of the true meaning of existence, and stand naked in the mind of God. #cybermonday

Twitter is about shouting poetry into the mouth of a man who is dreaming of falling and will never wake up.

You are the result of a series of accidents in a cruel, uncaring universe - but you're getting amazing deals on the season's hottest gifts.

The fear bubbling in your stomach is God whispering that He loves you, and wants you to pay less for top electronic gifts. #cybermonday

You are that rarest thing in this world: a good person. You deserve to pay less for stocking stuffers. #cybermonday

Pro Tip: Time travel 800 years into the past. Claim to have made whatever you're currently wearing. #OwnYourLook

How much, in ruples? #4WordsAftaSex
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: primless
2013-01-26 09:46 am (UTC)
You have been followed.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: goatunit
2013-01-27 07:37 pm (UTC)
Awright! I followed you back.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)