|The Collected Tweets of @goatunit (part 4)
||[Jan. 29th, 2013|07:11 pm]
It's almost as if my baby knows that I would never punch him right in the face.|
I used to be like you, @BuyDirectUSA . But I emerged from my cocoon of guilt and became a stinging insect, putting my rage into action.
The story of the frog prince would be greatly complicated if the princess who kissed him was underage.
The story of the Princess and the Pea makes more sense if it's pee instead, slowly soaking up through each mattress.
I get why the various villagers do it, but why do the other firemen call him Fireman Sam? #kidshowquestions
From now on, all of my tweets will begin with the phrase, "In accordance with prophecy..." Character limit be damned.
Just commented on an LJ argument I was in six years ago. Eagerly waiting for it to flare up again.
Seeing "No Copyright Infringement Intended" in the description of a youtube video warms my heart. It's so precious.
An Office Depot Josef Beuys calendar would be awesome. Like a three month-long grid of salami that you hang from your rearview.
Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother must have been super ugly. I know the wolf was found out eventually, but still.
Did you know that most people only use ten percent of their penis?